Elcie, Delcie, SunRae turns 21

My baby girl is turning twenty-one in a few days. I remember so clearly the day she was born, I had my little boy and now a baby girl, one of each! She was a precious baby with a rose bud mouth and full cheeks, it was like having a real live baby doll. When she was around a year and a half I noticed that she seemed to always be talking to herself, laughing out loud in her crib and in her own language having complete conversations with someone. I used to tell people she was talking to her angels. When she was around two we got the name of the first 'angel', it was Michael Jackson. No kidding... she would insist that I feed Michael Jackson and that I talk to him as well, one time I accidentally shut the car door on Michael Jackson and we both almost ended up in life long therapy. I would get so stressed out, thinking there must be something wrong with her, looking back I think that was just the silliness of a young Mother. Soon, Michael Jackson had a friend, she called this one Tommy, it was bad enough worrying about overlooking MJ but now I had Tommy as well. Our family was growing... we all took it in stride, her brother even asked about them on a regular basis and her Ooh Mom and Pop Pop would always act as if this was completely normal. Well, one day she informed me that there was a third!! I thought at this point we may be kicked out of the Mom's day out program, after all I was only paying for one... and Lord only knows how much I needed that Mom's day out!! The third was named MacGyver. Now, I have no idea where she came up with MJ at two or Tommy but I am pretty sure I know where she got the name MacGyver since that was her brothers favorite TV program. Life settled into a routine with my adorable baby girl and her three side kicks. The only time she ever pitched a major fit in public was at the grocery store one day when she said that MJ ate all her animal crackers... that was the only time I know that she ever got upset with any of them, most of the time she was laughing and grinning, even in her sleep. I do believe with all my heart they were Angels. For whatever reason, and I hope one day to know, she needed them to be physically with her. She also had this babydoll she carried everywhere till one day the head split open and there was no repair, so she was OK with carrying just babydoll's dress. She would put her two middle fingers in her mouth and have the corner of the doll dress wrapped around her thumb. One day we were in the front yard, Kelsey and her brother were riding around in his firetruck, Evan driving, her with her babydoll dress and passengers, her Daddy and I were washing the car; when from no where the most beautiful golden retriever I have ever seen came heading down our street right toward the fire truck. I had no time to re-act, the dog just grabbed the babydoll dress (leaving just a tear of fabric) from Kelsey and took off back up the street. Her Daddy tried to find the dog but we NEVER saw it again. Kelsey seemed to be in some type of three year old shock. The next morning, (and I swear this is a true story) I went into her room to say good morning and get her up and as always I said good morning to the three tag-a-longs as well. Kelsey looked me straight in the eye and said, “its OK Mommy they had to go away”. She never spoke of them again. She to this day has no recollection of them. At first I thought I was living the twilight zone, but I soon had such a peace about it, I knew they had a purpose to love and comfort my child and that their work was done. Kelsey has always been very spiritual, she loves deeply, and she is so brave, she has had her share of hurts and disappointments in her 21 years, but she has handled them with grace and beauty. As a mother, there have been times when I would pray that if I could not protect her or be with her, please Lord, send MJ, Tommy and MacGyver. I am sure that He has.... and will again. She is my daughter, she is my friend, she is someone I know will tell me the truth whether I want to hear it or not. She has made me laugh, she has made me cry, she has made me madder than a wet cat, but oh how she has brought me joy!!! Kelsey, Elsie, Delcie, SunRae, I am so very honored that God blessed me to be your Mother.
Happy Birthday!!!

Remember when?

I went to the bonus daughter’s chorus concert at her high school tonight. It made me reminisce about my high school days, oh so long ago. You know back in the days of no cell phones, no texting, not even call waiting, no iPad, no computer, no kindle, no iPod.... geez how on earth did we do it? Texting in those days were the notes hand written in class and passed in the hall, there was no lol, but there were plenty of bffs. I would sit by the phone praying that either it would ring, or that my Mom would finally hang up so that I could use it. We would spend hours TALKING, you know voice to voice... you could actually tell if the person you were talking to was happy or sad; you got the context of their words. Music was played on the stereo, real Albums, and even 45's..... I remember buying 10 at a time at Richway, and when Turtles (record store) came along  it was heaven! There was no microwave, my family sat down at the table every night for a dinner that my Mom cooked, most of the time with friends or an Uncle or two joining us. There was no blue ray, VCR, and lord how did we live without cable or reality TV? Either I was really naive or there simply wasn't the nastiness of mean girls like there is today. I mean, I remember jealousy and some cattiness here and there, but nothing like what goes on today. I enjoyed high school; I met fantastic people in high school. I even graduated with one that would become the love of my life. We did not have Facebook or Twitter and although I am glad we didn't, I do appreciate it now because it has brought many of those fantastic people back into my life. Would we all have been the same? I doubt it, and even without all the fabulous technology around today, I still think we had the glory days... I would much rather have my first ‘I love you’ be by voice rather than by text.....just saying.

There is such a thing......

He is kind, he is smart, he is important.
He is my husband, Michael.

To many he is quiet, serious, a mystery of sorts, the guy behind the camera. I wish everyone could know him as I know him, he is everything a Mother dreams a son will be. He is very smart, very successful, can be intimidating when needed. He is also compassionate, a man strong in his faith, with a heart big as Texas. He has never failed to open the car door for me, never missed a morning of kissing me goodbye. He has given me a card on every seventeenth since our wedding day. He lets me be me, with all my faults and craziness, he has never tried to change a thing. He encourages me daily. With him in my life I get it...
He is an amazing photographer, and I love watching him do his thing. His career is demanding right now but one day, I pray he can use his talent and love for photography full time. This wonderful man has become Dad to my children, although grown, they love him and respect him tremendously. He is Poppi to our precious Ede; and watching him with her just makes me fall in love with him over and over. He has the corniest jokes ever, but makes me laugh every time. He is competitive to a fault. He is fearless in protecting those he loves. I learned very early to only ask if you want the truth. He is tall and handsome and sexy. I love the fact that at 51 he is taking guitar lessons. There is nothing he will not try and he has got me out of my comfort zone more than once, but then again I have put him in a few awkward adventures myself.
I was surviving before Michael, he has taught me to live. There is nothing I can not tell him, I trust him with every ounce of my being, I know without a doubt that he always has my back, and that is such an incredible feeling. This man, this wonderful, wonderful man, I am so blessed God brought him to my life.
Thank You , Michael, for making my dreams come true.
I love you.

Timing is everything...

I can't believe I have lived here in Sugarville for a year and a half. Seems like yesterday I was moving in.... so many big changes crammed into my life in such a short amount of time. I often wonder in awe at God's timing.

I married Michael six months after my divorce was final. I took some open criticism for that, even lost a friend over it. I know there were whispers that I was just re-bounding and I even was accused of being a "gold-digger". I even questioned myself, calling off the wedding a time or two, thinking that this was too good to be true, I should wait it out, wait for the bubble to burst. I had never had someone to love me the way Michael loves me. I have never known trust the way; I trust him with my heart, my soul, my body, my mind.

God knew without a shadow of a doubt, we needed each other. Michael can be quiet, very quiet. He was never that way with me... I on the other hand will talk to the wall, and often do find myself talking to myself out loud. He was a single parent raising his three teenagers and had put his life on hold. On paper, everything about us is not compatible; I doubt anyone would have ever put us together, and yet, God did.

I can't imagine a life without him now. We laugh and wonder why God did not put us together way back in high school. We hardly knew each other. Another funny thing is out of all our class reunions, I only missed the ones he was at, and vise versa. God's timing.....

Did I deserve this? I know some people search their whole life only to never find true love. For months after we were married I felt as if I did not deserve this life with Michael. I hated moving so far away from friends and family. I sometimes hated being a stepmom. I missed my house and my pets tremendously. I would constantly question Michael; ask if he was going to leave me one day. I am surprised and amazed at the Man’s patience, but mostly I am amazed at God's timing, and how he works through us and teaches us each and every day.

I am a different person since marrying Michael. I am much stronger; I do not hide behind my shadow any longer. I love deeper, and I enjoy the little things so much more. I will no longer try to make someone like me. Most of my family would say that I am calmer; I can see how I was desperate, crazy at times, but I can also see clearly why I was that way. God brought me through the storm but he was teaching me without me even my knowing. He continues to teach me, and I have a lot to learn.

Life in Sugarville is not always perfect, but it sure is sweet. I have kept a journal since I was 16 years old, and when I look back and read through some of the most difficult times in my life, I always see clearly how everything works together for a reason. It may not have a perfect ending, it may have at the time been devastating, but always there was a reason and God's timing. An example, my father was at hospice; I had to work and planned on going straight from work to the Hospice. On this particular day, I got into a very hurtful argument with a co-worker; so upsetting that I left work. I cried all the way to the hospice wondering, why be so mean to me now at the most difficult time of my life? Had I not had that argument, had I not left work when I did, I would not have been holding my Daddy's hand when he passed away... God's timing. How ironic, this person I was so mad at, actually led me to the greatest gift.

So... here I am, my time in Sugarville. I know he has me here for a reason, and I just hope I am serving him well. We have plans to move in a year when the youngest graduates High School.... I can't wait to look back a year from now and see what God's plans were........

Guilt or Pleasure?

I was watching a TV show this morning and the question was, What is your guilty pleasure?

So, I started thinking about that. Now, as a Southern girl, I think we are practically raised to always feel guilty about something, and for awhile there I felt guilty every five minutes of the day about this or that. Was I not spending enough time with this child, was I not a good daughter, did I forget to call my Grandmother, did I spend too much money..... you name it. But guilty pleasure??? I can't seem to wrap my brain around putting those two words in the same sentence.

I guess that pack of chocolate turtles that I bought the other day while working and then crammed into my mouth in five seconds flat could be a guilty pleasure. But, I really didn't feel guilty about it. I enjoyed every single second, even licking the tiny bits of chocolate and caramel from the package.

Buying another pair of shoes should be a guilty pleasure, but not really, all my winter boots and shoes are getting tired looking, so replacing them would be smart shopping since it is clearance time. Plus, the only real splurge on shoes right now is for a new pair of workout shoes, and honey, I don't believe there is a GRIT girl around that would consider that a PLEASURE.

Making out with my husband like a teenager... lots of pleasure but certainly no guilt.

Having a good glass of wine before dinner or a cosmo with dinner, seems to bring lots of pleasure to Michael, and no guilt for me.

Spoiling my Granddaughter rotten, not even a trace of guilt.

On the show the one guy said his guilty pleasure was hiding mayonnaise in his grocery cart... Seriously??? Who in the world could live without a jar of mayo in the fridge?? You don't have to use it everyday but just knowing that it's there. What on earth would you put on a fried bologna sandwich with no mayo in the house? I can see how it would bring him pleasure but guilt?? No way.

Guilt is my Mother's and my Daughter's favorite past time.... I think it is a Pisces thing. They can feel guilty at the drop of a pin. Ask either one of them right now if they are guilty and they will say YES!!! They even feel guilty for feeling guilty!

I on the other hand have started to free my self from guilt. Take me or leave me. If I make a mistake, it will be my honest mistake. I will say I am sorry, when needed, and I do what I can to be a polite, respectful southern girl. Anything in the past is now just a memory, can't go back and re-do. So, back to the question, what is your guilty pleasure??

I have finally thought of something. Actually it should make me feel guilty, at my age it could even get me arrested, but oh it is such a pleasure.....

I love Justin Bieber!!!

there, I said it. It takes me back to my Donny Osmond days.....

Come on and share yours.... you know you want to... free yourself, rid the guilt, embrace the pleasure!!!!

Suzanne Sugarbaker...

Got God, Need Church

This blog will not sit well with some.

I want to find a church. I grew up in church and have gone to church most of my adult life, but before I dive in again I want to "interview" a church.

Now, before you gasp and say How dare she?? Yes, I know that we are not suppose to go to church for what it does for us, but in all honesty that is exactly why I go. It renews my spirit, it fills me with God's word, it gives me that reminder to start my week off in his word and living a giving life. It has in the past given me some of the best relationships of my life. I long for that again. I miss it. I have had a couple of bad experiences in the past few years.

First of all, it is not easy going to a Baptist church and everyone knowing your husband has had an affair and has left you. I still went; Alone. It was very hard and I am sure that the people who ignored me simply did not know what to say, and those that stood by me were priceless and the very reason I went. I still could not help but suddenly feel like I did not fit in, and I was somehow damaged goods. How do you go to a couples Sunday School class when you are no longer a couple? What do you do when someone at the church insist you must have caused your husband to cheat? I loved my church, and I love many of the people that just dropped me like a hot potato.

So, Michael came into my life and we really wanted to go to church together. A friend had invited us to visit her church and so we decided to give it a try. We must describe this church as a very, very, tiny, Baptist church. EVERYONE was related somehow. We really liked the pastor, and even though we felt like intruders to some family reunion we continued to go. Week after week the same people asked if this was our first visit..... (hello, we are talking maybe 55 people on a good day?? I am not forgettable by any means, I’m just saying...). I refused to give up and we even went to the pastor for our premarital counseling. To this day I believe that was the soul purpose of us being there, it was a great thing. I still continued going even after my "friend's" son started sending lude and suggestive text messages to my daughter on Sunday Morning and then tried to look innocent while taking up the offering; that should have been my sign. I will not go any further with this story because it still leaves a very bad taste in my mouth, but let's just say, I think there is a reason a church stays so tiny.....

Michael has tried to get me to visit churches here in Sugarville, but honestly I am afraid. I want to serve the Lord and learn, I do not want to be afraid that I have sat in someones seat, or I don't have the right clothes on, or I am a terrible person because I have been divorced. I am afraid of putting my heart out there again. Maybe I had the best of Church times already? I treasured my days growing up at Browns Mill Baptist, and have wonderful memories and friends from Jonesboro and New Hope, but I know I am not the only one who has been heartbroken and damaged by church. It can be one of the coldest places. The bible tells us to beware and not to judge but I have found that we become so judgmental sitting on that pew...

So, if you are up here in Sugarville, invite me to your church, prove me wrong. I have visited one and cold is putting it mildly. I am not limited to Baptist, I worship Jesus Christ, that is my only requirement. Can a re-married, crazy, short, sinner, find a place willing to take her in??

Depends, Gender or Style?

Am I the only fifty something that has noticed an increase in what it takes just to maintain these days?

My gorgeous, sexy, sweet GT guy gets better and better, the gray looks great on him, the tiny lines around his eyes make him look more like Tom Selleck. It takes him less than 20 minutes start to finish to get ready, and on lazy Saturdays when we lay around in our PJs for hours, he looks yummy with his tossed hair and day old stubble... I want to punch him.

Lately, my side of the bathroom looks more like a counter at a drug store. It takes a whole lot to get this gal so that she is not scary: Shampoo and conditioner for color treated hair, body wash for dry skin, face wash for aging skin, body lotion for aging skin, moisturizer for the face, age spot remover (so that my hairdresser does not scrub my face raw again thinking she got color on my skin!) puffy eye cream, fine line cream, special hand lotion, teeth whitening strips, flosses, sensitive toothpaste, hair color touch ups... then we have to add volume gel to the hair, and the make up. I have limited the make up over the past year to a little foundation, eye liner, mascara, a little blush and lip gloss; but still...at this point I am still not dressed. Getting dressed has even changed.

I have to have support everything... Control panties, uplifting bra, spanx - depending on the occasion. Then I have to stand in the mirror and pretend I look fabulous! I crack myself up thinking about the days of my youth when I barely wore underwear much less makeup! Such a scary thought these days. God has to be a man, a woman would have it reversed. I would long to see GT guy struggling at the side of the tub shaving his legs with a dull razor, or standing at the mirror plucking his eyebrows. The best would be to see my 6 ft. 2 inch hunk of a husband put himself into a pair of spanx. Seriously, I think all spanx should come with a warning: wear depends with them. I left the table at my husbands very fancy Christmas dinner to go to the ladies room, it took me a good 20 minutes to get the spanx, tights, slip, all back in place, before returning. Then I had to down my Cosmo in one gulp just to recover.

My Granny will be 90 years old this spring, she still drives, she still dresses to the nines every day and she wears lipstick 24/7. So, I guess I will keep it up for a few more years.

I like that look on GT face when I finally say, OK, I am ready!!