Sunday, January 15, 2012

Got God, Need Church


This blog will not sit well with some.

I want to find a church. I grew up in church and have gone to church most of my adult life, but before I dive in again I want to "interview" a church.

Now, before you gasp and say How dare she?? Yes, I know that we are not suppose to go to church for what it does for us, but in all honesty that is exactly why I go. It renews my spirit, it fills me with God's word, it gives me that reminder to start my week off in his word and living a giving life. It has in the past given me some of the best relationships of my life. I long for that again. I miss it. I have had a couple of bad experiences in the past few years.

First of all, it is not easy going to a Baptist church and everyone knowing your husband has had an affair and has left you. I still went; Alone. It was very hard and I am sure that the people who ignored me simply did not know what to say, and those that stood by me were priceless and the very reason I went. I still could not help but suddenly feel like I did not fit in, and I was somehow damaged goods. How do you go to a couples Sunday School class when you are no longer a couple? What do you do when someone at the church insist you must have caused your husband to cheat? I loved my church, and I love many of the people that just dropped me like a hot potato.

So, Michael came into my life and we really wanted to go to church together. A friend had invited us to visit her church and so we decided to give it a try. We must describe this church as a very, very, tiny, Baptist church. EVERYONE was related somehow. We really liked the pastor, and even though we felt like intruders to some family reunion we continued to go. Week after week the same people asked if this was our first visit..... (hello, we are talking maybe 55 people on a good day?? I am not forgettable by any means, I’m just saying...). I refused to give up and we even went to the pastor for our premarital counseling. To this day I believe that was the soul purpose of us being there, it was a great thing. I still continued going even after my "friend's" son started sending lude and suggestive text messages to my daughter on Sunday Morning and then tried to look innocent while taking up the offering; that should have been my sign. I will not go any further with this story because it still leaves a very bad taste in my mouth, but let's just say, I think there is a reason a church stays so tiny.....

Michael has tried to get me to visit churches here in Sugarville, but honestly I am afraid. I want to serve the Lord and learn, I do not want to be afraid that I have sat in someones seat, or I don't have the right clothes on, or I am a terrible person because I have been divorced. I am afraid of putting my heart out there again. Maybe I had the best of Church times already? I treasured my days growing up at Browns Mill Baptist, and have wonderful memories and friends from Jonesboro and New Hope, but I know I am not the only one who has been heartbroken and damaged by church. It can be one of the coldest places. The bible tells us to beware and not to judge but I have found that we become so judgmental sitting on that pew...

So, if you are up here in Sugarville, invite me to your church, prove me wrong. I have visited one and cold is putting it mildly. I am not limited to Baptist, I worship Jesus Christ, that is my only requirement. Can a re-married, crazy, short, sinner, find a place willing to take her in??

3 comments:

  1. It is hard to find a church after you've moved. Did you ask your New Hope pastor for a referral to a *similar* church up there? New Hope is a bit different anyway, due to their emphasis on music (which drew them to me). Unfortunately, it wasn't a good fit for us in the long run, tho. Finding a good church is like finding the perfect dress. You may have to try on a few to find the right one, but once you try the right one on, you will know the moment it hits your shoulders that it is perfect!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Nice article. You and I both know that as long as "mere" humans are involved in the churches, there will be corruption and unjustness. We are just so flawed! But we all need a faith group, it is hard to sustain a vibrant faith by ourselves, so visit and visit until you find a home. It won't be perfect, but no homes are!
    Love, ya!
    BB.

    ReplyDelete
  3. I understand exactly where you're coming from; however, I finally found a place where I feel at home and I must say it was a good change. I was raised in a Baptist Church but I now go to a non denominational church and it's very different but we absolutely love it. I told someone last week that I probably will never go back to a traditional church. I needed a church that would accept me for who I am unconditionally, I mean everyone has a past of some sort, don't they? I wanted to be accepted just like I am without feeling like I had to be someone else on Sunday's just to fit in so some well meaning "older" person wouldn't look down their noses at me. That's what you need to look for. Oh yeah, having great music is a plus too!

    Cindy C.

    ReplyDelete