I can't believe I have lived here in Sugarville for a year and a half. Seems like yesterday I was moving in.... so many big changes crammed into my life in such a short amount of time. I often wonder in awe at God's timing.
I married Michael six months after my divorce was final. I took some open criticism for that, even lost a friend over it. I know there were whispers that I was just re-bounding and I even was accused of being a "gold-digger". I even questioned myself, calling off the wedding a time or two, thinking that this was too good to be true, I should wait it out, wait for the bubble to burst. I had never had someone to love me the way Michael loves me. I have never known trust the way; I trust him with my heart, my soul, my body, my mind.
God knew without a shadow of a doubt, we needed each other. Michael can be quiet, very quiet. He was never that way with me... I on the other hand will talk to the wall, and often do find myself talking to myself out loud. He was a single parent raising his three teenagers and had put his life on hold. On paper, everything about us is not compatible; I doubt anyone would have ever put us together, and yet, God did.
I can't imagine a life without him now. We laugh and wonder why God did not put us together way back in high school. We hardly knew each other. Another funny thing is out of all our class reunions, I only missed the ones he was at, and vise versa. God's timing.....
Did I deserve this? I know some people search their whole life only to never find true love. For months after we were married I felt as if I did not deserve this life with Michael. I hated moving so far away from friends and family. I sometimes hated being a stepmom. I missed my house and my pets tremendously. I would constantly question Michael; ask if he was going to leave me one day. I am surprised and amazed at the Man’s patience, but mostly I am amazed at God's timing, and how he works through us and teaches us each and every day.
I am a different person since marrying Michael. I am much stronger; I do not hide behind my shadow any longer. I love deeper, and I enjoy the little things so much more. I will no longer try to make someone like me. Most of my family would say that I am calmer; I can see how I was desperate, crazy at times, but I can also see clearly why I was that way. God brought me through the storm but he was teaching me without me even my knowing. He continues to teach me, and I have a lot to learn.
Life in Sugarville is not always perfect, but it sure is sweet. I have kept a journal since I was 16 years old, and when I look back and read through some of the most difficult times in my life, I always see clearly how everything works together for a reason. It may not have a perfect ending, it may have at the time been devastating, but always there was a reason and God's timing. An example, my father was at hospice; I had to work and planned on going straight from work to the Hospice. On this particular day, I got into a very hurtful argument with a co-worker; so upsetting that I left work. I cried all the way to the hospice wondering, why be so mean to me now at the most difficult time of my life? Had I not had that argument, had I not left work when I did, I would not have been holding my Daddy's hand when he passed away... God's timing. How ironic, this person I was so mad at, actually led me to the greatest gift.
So... here I am, my time in Sugarville. I know he has me here for a reason, and I just hope I am serving him well. We have plans to move in a year when the youngest graduates High School.... I can't wait to look back a year from now and see what God's plans were........
No comments:
Post a Comment