Got God, Need Church

This blog will not sit well with some.

I want to find a church. I grew up in church and have gone to church most of my adult life, but before I dive in again I want to "interview" a church.

Now, before you gasp and say How dare she?? Yes, I know that we are not suppose to go to church for what it does for us, but in all honesty that is exactly why I go. It renews my spirit, it fills me with God's word, it gives me that reminder to start my week off in his word and living a giving life. It has in the past given me some of the best relationships of my life. I long for that again. I miss it. I have had a couple of bad experiences in the past few years.

First of all, it is not easy going to a Baptist church and everyone knowing your husband has had an affair and has left you. I still went; Alone. It was very hard and I am sure that the people who ignored me simply did not know what to say, and those that stood by me were priceless and the very reason I went. I still could not help but suddenly feel like I did not fit in, and I was somehow damaged goods. How do you go to a couples Sunday School class when you are no longer a couple? What do you do when someone at the church insist you must have caused your husband to cheat? I loved my church, and I love many of the people that just dropped me like a hot potato.

So, Michael came into my life and we really wanted to go to church together. A friend had invited us to visit her church and so we decided to give it a try. We must describe this church as a very, very, tiny, Baptist church. EVERYONE was related somehow. We really liked the pastor, and even though we felt like intruders to some family reunion we continued to go. Week after week the same people asked if this was our first visit..... (hello, we are talking maybe 55 people on a good day?? I am not forgettable by any means, I’m just saying...). I refused to give up and we even went to the pastor for our premarital counseling. To this day I believe that was the soul purpose of us being there, it was a great thing. I still continued going even after my "friend's" son started sending lude and suggestive text messages to my daughter on Sunday Morning and then tried to look innocent while taking up the offering; that should have been my sign. I will not go any further with this story because it still leaves a very bad taste in my mouth, but let's just say, I think there is a reason a church stays so tiny.....

Michael has tried to get me to visit churches here in Sugarville, but honestly I am afraid. I want to serve the Lord and learn, I do not want to be afraid that I have sat in someones seat, or I don't have the right clothes on, or I am a terrible person because I have been divorced. I am afraid of putting my heart out there again. Maybe I had the best of Church times already? I treasured my days growing up at Browns Mill Baptist, and have wonderful memories and friends from Jonesboro and New Hope, but I know I am not the only one who has been heartbroken and damaged by church. It can be one of the coldest places. The bible tells us to beware and not to judge but I have found that we become so judgmental sitting on that pew...

So, if you are up here in Sugarville, invite me to your church, prove me wrong. I have visited one and cold is putting it mildly. I am not limited to Baptist, I worship Jesus Christ, that is my only requirement. Can a re-married, crazy, short, sinner, find a place willing to take her in??

Depends, Gender or Style?

Am I the only fifty something that has noticed an increase in what it takes just to maintain these days?

My gorgeous, sexy, sweet GT guy gets better and better, the gray looks great on him, the tiny lines around his eyes make him look more like Tom Selleck. It takes him less than 20 minutes start to finish to get ready, and on lazy Saturdays when we lay around in our PJs for hours, he looks yummy with his tossed hair and day old stubble... I want to punch him.

Lately, my side of the bathroom looks more like a counter at a drug store. It takes a whole lot to get this gal so that she is not scary: Shampoo and conditioner for color treated hair, body wash for dry skin, face wash for aging skin, body lotion for aging skin, moisturizer for the face, age spot remover (so that my hairdresser does not scrub my face raw again thinking she got color on my skin!) puffy eye cream, fine line cream, special hand lotion, teeth whitening strips, flosses, sensitive toothpaste, hair color touch ups... then we have to add volume gel to the hair, and the make up. I have limited the make up over the past year to a little foundation, eye liner, mascara, a little blush and lip gloss; but still...at this point I am still not dressed. Getting dressed has even changed.

I have to have support everything... Control panties, uplifting bra, spanx - depending on the occasion. Then I have to stand in the mirror and pretend I look fabulous! I crack myself up thinking about the days of my youth when I barely wore underwear much less makeup! Such a scary thought these days. God has to be a man, a woman would have it reversed. I would long to see GT guy struggling at the side of the tub shaving his legs with a dull razor, or standing at the mirror plucking his eyebrows. The best would be to see my 6 ft. 2 inch hunk of a husband put himself into a pair of spanx. Seriously, I think all spanx should come with a warning: wear depends with them. I left the table at my husbands very fancy Christmas dinner to go to the ladies room, it took me a good 20 minutes to get the spanx, tights, slip, all back in place, before returning. Then I had to down my Cosmo in one gulp just to recover.

My Granny will be 90 years old this spring, she still drives, she still dresses to the nines every day and she wears lipstick 24/7. So, I guess I will keep it up for a few more years.

I like that look on GT face when I finally say, OK, I am ready!!

A love letter to my Granddaughter

You are only three weeks old, beautiful beyond words, with big beautiful eyes like your Mommy; nose, forehead and hair like your Daddy. You remind me of your Daddy when he was a baby; your serious looks and the way you love it when I walk with you on my shoulder.

I was blessed beyond words to be right there when you entered this world. Your Grammie, Mommy and I fell madly in love. You were so alert and when you heard your Mommy's voice, I will never forget how you turned your tiny head as if to say, "there you are!!"

I remember when your Grammie put you in my arms for the first time, I thought my heart would explode from joy and love. You are loved by many my little one. Your Mommy and Daddy are so very, very, brave. Your Daddy was far, far away when you were born, serving his country, your Mommy was amazing and strong and never once complained. Your Daddy was here just a few days after you were born, and boy did you steal his heart. He instantly became your Daddy in every since of the word, very protective, changing your diapers, dressing you and loving you.

I think that is one of the joys of being a Grandparent; you watch your children become the parent you prayed they would be. Your Daddy had fifteen days and then he had to leave to finish serving his country. I must tell you my precious one, this was the hardest day of all. I could tell the way a Mother can tell, that his heart was breaking, leaving you and your Mommy. Nothing is harder than watching your child hurt and knowing there is nothing you can do... but each day that passes brings him one day closer to being home. That will be a GREAT day!!! In the mean time, we all have to love you bunches and bunches, such a hard task......

I look forward to our life together; I will be your crazy little Nonnie, and you will be my tall, beautiful Princess. I have a feeling you will not be able to wear my shoes which is disappointing because I have some fabulous shoes, but there will be jewelery that you will want to borrow; your Poppie tends to spoil me with visits to Jared. Which leads me to tell you something that I have not even told your Daddy yet. I have arranged a marriage for you. He is exactly a year older, cute as a button and comes from the very best of families, his name is Aiden, so how cute will that be?? Aiden & Eden. I love it!!! I have great taste, so do not be afraid!!

I can't wait to tell you all the crazy stories about your Daddy, and I have some pretty good ones about your Mommy as well. The two of them should have their own reality show. They are funny people. Make me laugh every time I am around them.

I am so hoping that you will be a girly girl, love pink and bows and heels and lipstick, but if for some reason you only like mud and trucks and jeans, I will still be your biggest fan. I pray you follow your passion in all things, love with all you have and fight like your Daddy for the things you believe in.

Always remember that manners are an asset and a requirement from Nonnie. Love the Lord with all your heart and always remember to pray. Enjoy the love of animals, be kind to everyone. Laugh when you think it is funny, and laugh out loud!! Cry when it is heartbreaking and do not be ashamed of your tears because they are God's way of washing away the hurt. Know that you are going to fall down, but there will always be one of us to pick you up and I will always have designer bandages available. Love to read, it is a passion of your Daddy's; and your Aunt Rae is going to be a Librarian so we must keep her employed. Poppie already has an attic full of Golden books just for you.

Oh, I can't wait for our first cookie baking day!! We will have cute aprons and you can eat as much sprinkles and chocolate as your heart desires. Later, when your belly hurts, you can do one of Nonnie's favorite things, take a bubble bath!!!! I pray for you each and every day, so many precious, precious, moments ahead.... I am sure that there is much, much more I will want to share with you, I can't wait!! Maybe one day you will write a blog about all the crazy things your nutty Nonnie told you!!!!
I love you, forever.

Change is near.....

They call it MENOPAUSE;

Ok, let's just start with that... of course they have to throw in the word MEN, after all they will inevitably get the brunt of the whole thing. But, is the word actually trying to indicate that we should take a pause from men at this stage in the game? Then there is of course the other kinder phrase.. you know, she is going through, "THE CHANGE".

You got that right buddy, she has changed from a calm, sweet, cool and comfortable southern girl to a crazed, irrational, sweaty hot mess, who if she hears that word "CHANGE" one more time she may start shooting.

It is like someone flipped a switch in my body. One night I am sleeping away, waking up happy and rested and the very next night it was BOOM; I am wide awake in the middle of the night with some type of lava lamp glowing from the inside, radiating to the outside. I am sweaty and have the uncontrolable urge to knock GT guy off the bed since he is sleeping like a baby. Does he not feel the heat??? Oh, that's right, it's not THAT type of heat. This goes on for days, along with the fact that I feel like I could do serious damage to people in Kroger with my buggy, just because.

So silly me, I am convinced that I am dying. I just know that something terrible is growing inside my body and causeing me to turn into Cathy Bates from Misery. So instead of breaking GT guys knee caps and holding him hostage, I go to the Doctor. I love my doctor; number one she is a female, number two she is not skinny, and number three, she held my hand and cried with me when I found out the first husband was cheating on me. So, I told her, that I am dying. I just need to know what from. She did not bat an eye, did her exam, took my chubby little cheeks in her hands and said, "you are not dying, you are starting MENOPAUSE".

What???? How dare she!!!!!!! I am dying!!!!! She smiled and said in her devilish grin, "well, somethings are .... but not you as a whole.." OMG!!!! This can not be happening.... I am too young. I want another baby...... bahahahahhahahhahhaa. She hands me this tiny patch and says, we can increase the dose as needed, it will help with the hot flashes and other symptoms. By this time I am crying hysterically and laughing at the same time.... oh my, I am one of those women about which I use to say, oh she must be going through the change.

I put my patch on and bravely tell my Mother, I am going through ..THE CHANGE. She proceeds to tell me the patch will kill me.... go figure.

So, the blog posts have been few and far between, but I did not want any of my faithful readers to think I had gone postal, so I kept quiet. After all this blog is suppose to be about the "sweetness" of my new life. I have had such a mixed bag of emotions, so happy about our little baby grandchild on the way, worried about my first born deployed, health issues for my GT guy, and just trying to figure out what I can give to this world of ours.... but more than anything, I realize through CHANGE we grow...... so, bring it on!!!!

Did You Ever?

This is a work in progress; but due to the slow nature of recent posts I thought I would just put it out there as something to chew on until motivation returns.
Keep praying,
Justin Buford



Did you ever have 20 teenage girls in your kitchen looking at you as if you were an alien?
Did you ever dip your chicken in the wasabi thinking it was guacamole and prayed no one was secretly taping you as you did the "Oh my God dance”?
Did you ever compete with a mouse and lose?
Did you ever fall asleep while your spouse was talking?
Did you ever wish that you could send yourself a message 30 years in the past?
Did you ever steal a pig?
Did you ever take a stolen pig to the Varsity?
Did you ever have a sink hole in your backyard and think of the people you would like to put in it?
Did you ever take a wrong turn just for the parent following you?
Did you ever claim to have read the LOTR series to impress a certain guy? But didn't really? (That would be The Lord of the Rings)
Did you ever buy a noisy gift for a niece or nephew just to get revenge?
Did you ever pick up a child’s room using a trash bag?
Did you ever wake up just to listen to your spouse talk in their sleep?
Did you ever dance around the house for hours while no one was home?
Did you ever go to an outdoor wedding when the temperature was 95 and the humidity was 100%?
Did you ever lose your keys only to find them locked in your car after searching for hours?
Did you ever take a date to Waffle House?
Did you ever listen to your child’s butt call and get TMI?

to be continued…

Princess in the Making

When I was a little girl I dreamed of being a Princess. I remember seeing Cinderella on TV as some type of musical, of course it was in Black and White but I just knew her gown was baby blue and I wanted that dress so bad. I wanted my hair piled on top of my head in ringlets and I wanted a tiara full of diamonds, but even then most of all I wanted those sparkling slippers.....guess a shoe thing starts early. Funny, I never gave much thought to the Prince, I was more fascinated with the pumpkin shaped carriage. I can pretty much say as a child I thought I was a princess; well at least till princess junior game along, somehow my tiara got a little crooked as she was the glory child, good grief they even called her Precious. So, I became a peasant, a commoner. Precious was the cute one with her blue eyes and her tan skin, her adorable foreign language. I was tiny and covered with freckles. It seems like I was missing my two front teeth for half my life. Precious and I did not have a whole lot in common, she went on to be cheerleader, beauty queen, perfect student, while I was pretty much the carefree , fiddle de dee, Scarlett. Watching Kate this morning walking down the aisle with her sister behind her, made me laugh and think of my sister. What parents name one sister Kate Elizabeth and the other Pippa?? Did they know Kate would be a princess? Was Kate always the "precious" and Pippa the "Scarlett"? I could tell by the admiration and love in her eyes that Pippa adores her sister. When I was younger, there was always that little sting of jealousy when my Dad refereed to my sister as 'Precious" but as the years went by, I must say that is exactly what she is to me...Precious. A sisters bond is like no other. Precious and I can tell each other anything, and we can also be the one to point out when the other is wrong. It was she and I who held my Dad's hand as he took his last breath on this earth, and I honestly believe he went as soon as my sister told him it was ok, we would take care of Mom and Brother. It was Precious who has had to deliver difficult news to me on more than one occasion, and she knows how to keep me calm. My sister literally delivered my daughter and I like to claim I delivered hers. If they were not 10 years apart I would swear we got them mixed up, because hers is a Diva like me and mine is a Precious like her. As much as I wanted to be a Princess, I am always honored to walk behind... Beside my Precious. After all, I really just wanted the tiara and the shoes, and lucky me, I got the Prince anyway!!!!

A spoonful of Sugar

It has been awhile since I have written. Not that I don't have a thousand Sugarbytes running through my mind, I just have had "cold fingers". Seems some of my work hurt and/or offended a few people and others thought my words were too personal. I have never been one to take criticism well, after all I am, in my own, mind a Diva. I say in my own mind because lately when I pass my reflection it scares the holy crap out of me. Who is that person? Do I really know her? Would I want to hang out with her?
I do know one thing for certain about her, she is so much stronger than she ever dreamed she could be. She has survived the deepest of pain, and came out the other side with a new understanding of love. She has been knocked down and blown away and came back to stand even taller in her three inch heels. She did learn that sometimes the pain will rear its ugly head again, but that is ok, after two children and 27 years of marriage you should feel a little pang when your ex re-marrys, of course it doesn't help much in our new "facebook" age when people are very insensitive. Yes, she has shown emotions that she was surprised by, but you know what, she thinks that is ok. She thinks it makes her even more thankful than before.

So, enough said on that. Back to the latest from Sugarville.

I have really started to learn my way around here pretty well. I hardly ever use "betty", the bitchy GPS, any longer. I can get to every major shopping area with my eyes closed, of course that would not be wise. I have figured out which is my favorite Kroger and I consider the owners of the laundry my new friends. GT man has introduced me to sushi, and although for my first bite I had to close my eyes, I will say that I do love it! I guess the Saki kind of helps. Learning to use chopsticks was a whole other matter.....yes, I know what you are thinking; there is just no way a GRIT girl is going to pick up tiny bits of food with two sticks and make it look natural. Then again, when asking for a fork in a Sushi joint, expect to be sneered at. Anywhoo, life was going along, with a few bumps here and there, when my military boy, my oldest child, calls and tells me that I am going to be a GRANDMOTHER. Now, lets understand completely, I could not be happier, I can't wait for this little baby to arrive, even though it is clear across the country. My dilemma is the name.... no not the baby name, my name. I am like everyone else in the south these days and I have to have my own name.... I refuse Granny, Grandmother, Nana. All great names but in my case these are women I know already, and great women at that. My Granny is 89 years young, still drives and will tell you what you need to hear whether you want to hear it or not, and one of the best dressers in Fayette County. The Nana in my life was really a Helen, and there should be a book written about that little feisty Italian woman. She could make a grown man run circles. My children still have their Grandmother, who is a fine sweet, southern woman, and of course there is my Mom also known as, Ooh Mom., there will never be another ooh mom, my Mom is the greatest Grandmother ever, my two think of her as a second Mother. So, what to name me.....my sister says I should go with Lady Ga Ga, I like KK (my initials) too many options but so important. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated. I am thinking that the greatest gift of a Grandchild is you have already made all your mistakes with your child, now with the Grandchild it is just love, love, love and sit back with a smile watching your own do the raising.....My son and Daughter in law will be very entertaining to watch, in fact they should have a reality show, but one thing is for sure, this baby will be loved and cherished.
So, in closing, my path has taught me, there will be hurt and pain when you least expect it, and when you think it will last forever, God sends another miracle your way... life is sweet as sugar..........