Sunday, December 21, 2014

Stir Fry or Blended?


Well, I should start by saying; it has been a long, long, road to get back to the key board.  Some of you have kept encouraging me to bring back Sugarbytes, but honestly, my spirit wasn’t in it. I dealt with some pretty serious health issues, a torn rotor cuff and surgery, pneumonia, and a very serious kidney infection, those alone were enough to wipe me out, but nothing prepares you for the loss of a Grandchild. There is no surgery, no drug, nothing to take away that deep pain, and just when you think your heart is shattered for good you realize that your child lost their child. Your baby boy will never have his baby boy to hold, to play with, to teach, to love. That is when your heart starts to rebuild because that parent part of you knows that you have to make sure your child can survive this. So, let me say, I have brave strong, wonderful kids, who are surviving and who will be reunited one day with their precious Son.

Now, what’s up in Sugarville??
 
Let me say, it has been a roller-coaster, lots of lessons learned. I hate the term, "blended family" when I hear that I think of smoothies. You know, you throw a nice orange, some sweet berries, and a smooth yogurt all into the blender and out comes a creamy, smooth delicious drink. Well, that may be the case for some, but let me tell you, here in Sugarville we are not a "blended” family. We are more like a stir fry. You know, you already have a hot sizzling pan, you throw in some spicy beef, a few snappy peas, some corny things and some spicy peppers, and let them sizzle. Sometimes, it comes out great; sometimes it needs more seasoning or gets too overheated or too mushy. Yep, we are a stir fry. The good news is we like working at it, finally. Kind of like Chow Baby, you’re never going to get the same stir fry twice.
Butterbean
I have realized that I am a strong woman, much stronger than I ever imagined, and that even when an alligator shows up in my yard, (true story) I don’t let it faze me. I have a big heart, one that has seen and had its share of abuse, but still keeps on ticking. I have seven amazing kids who have taught me more than school ever did, a Butterbean who challenges me to stay young and be the best Nonnie I can be. And of course my GT guy, who is honestly the most patient man on the planet, he keeps me grounded and he knows how to handle the stir fry like a pro. I have friends that I treasure more than gold, and a new Church that I am learning to trust. I don’t always get it right, that’s for sure and any one of my kids would tell you that on any given day, but it’s really not about getting it right or making it perfect or well blended, it’s about keeping it spicy, hot, and interesting. So I will keep trying, mix it up, make it work, even if it’s just one stir fry at a time…

Merry Christmas everyone, may you all be blessed, may you all have peace, and I look forward to filling you in and writing from Sugarville in the New Year!!

Merry Christmas Baby Angel

Merry Christmas my tiny Angel. You should be here with us, six months old, a bundle of goodness, joy to all around you. This would be your first Christmas, and since you cant be with your Mommy and Daddy or me, your Nonnie, I know that Jesus has you in his arms and you will celebrate with him. I think about you so very often, wondering what you would be doing if you were here, if you would look like your sweet sister, what type of little boy would we see. I cry sometimes, and ask why? I know God needed you to be with him, and one day I shall see you, but right now, right this minute it is hard. Heartbreak for me and so many, but nothing like the heartbreak of your Mommy and Daddy. They have been so very brave. I am so thankful your Mommy got to hold you, and that we have a picture of you. As your Nonnie, it is a double whammy to be heartbroken for the loss of my Grandson and to also be heartbroken to see my Child go through such a loss Your Daddy is a very brave young Man, he was a soldier, served his country, and now he is a Great Father to your sister, and works very hard for his family. He is very funny, always making everyone around him laugh, but as his Mom, I know he holds a lot deep inside. Your Mommy is a school teacher, so pretty and so funny as well. She is a good Mommy and misses you every single day. She is doing lots better and has even helped others who have lost their babies. Your Sister is three, just this week. She is very smart, and one of the friendliest little girls I have ever known, loves everyone, knows everyone in her big extended family, she is very independent and brings so much joy into our lives, just as you would have.  It is scary down here sometimes, the world seems to be getting crazier and crazier, but it helps knowing we have a special Angel up there, I know you watch over us because you send us signs, like the balloon release at your memorial when a heart was formed in the sky, or the baby Cardinal that appears just outside my window. Even today, leaving Church I saw a little one about your age and my heart ached but I also felt a strong sense of love.  Merry Christmas my sweet Peter, may you dance and sing with the cherubs this Christmas, and till that day when we are reunited, know that you're are thought of, loved and missed every single day.