Tuesday, January 31, 2012

Guilt or Pleasure?

I was watching a TV show this morning and the question was, What is your guilty pleasure?

So, I started thinking about that. Now, as a Southern girl, I think we are practically raised to always feel guilty about something, and for awhile there I felt guilty every five minutes of the day about this or that. Was I not spending enough time with this child, was I not a good daughter, did I forget to call my Grandmother, did I spend too much money..... you name it. But guilty pleasure??? I can't seem to wrap my brain around putting those two words in the same sentence.

I guess that pack of chocolate turtles that I bought the other day while working and then crammed into my mouth in five seconds flat could be a guilty pleasure. But, I really didn't feel guilty about it. I enjoyed every single second, even licking the tiny bits of chocolate and caramel from the package.

Buying another pair of shoes should be a guilty pleasure, but not really, all my winter boots and shoes are getting tired looking, so replacing them would be smart shopping since it is clearance time. Plus, the only real splurge on shoes right now is for a new pair of workout shoes, and honey, I don't believe there is a GRIT girl around that would consider that a PLEASURE.

Making out with my husband like a teenager... lots of pleasure but certainly no guilt.

Having a good glass of wine before dinner or a cosmo with dinner, seems to bring lots of pleasure to Michael, and no guilt for me.

Spoiling my Granddaughter rotten, not even a trace of guilt.

On the show the one guy said his guilty pleasure was hiding mayonnaise in his grocery cart... Seriously??? Who in the world could live without a jar of mayo in the fridge?? You don't have to use it everyday but just knowing that it's there. What on earth would you put on a fried bologna sandwich with no mayo in the house? I can see how it would bring him pleasure but guilt?? No way.

Guilt is my Mother's and my Daughter's favorite past time.... I think it is a Pisces thing. They can feel guilty at the drop of a pin. Ask either one of them right now if they are guilty and they will say YES!!! They even feel guilty for feeling guilty!

I on the other hand have started to free my self from guilt. Take me or leave me. If I make a mistake, it will be my honest mistake. I will say I am sorry, when needed, and I do what I can to be a polite, respectful southern girl. Anything in the past is now just a memory, can't go back and re-do. So, back to the question, what is your guilty pleasure??

I have finally thought of something. Actually it should make me feel guilty, at my age it could even get me arrested, but oh it is such a pleasure.....

I love Justin Bieber!!!

there, I said it. It takes me back to my Donny Osmond days.....

Come on and share yours.... you know you want to... free yourself, rid the guilt, embrace the pleasure!!!!

Suzanne Sugarbaker...

Sunday, January 15, 2012

Got God, Need Church


This blog will not sit well with some.

I want to find a church. I grew up in church and have gone to church most of my adult life, but before I dive in again I want to "interview" a church.

Now, before you gasp and say How dare she?? Yes, I know that we are not suppose to go to church for what it does for us, but in all honesty that is exactly why I go. It renews my spirit, it fills me with God's word, it gives me that reminder to start my week off in his word and living a giving life. It has in the past given me some of the best relationships of my life. I long for that again. I miss it. I have had a couple of bad experiences in the past few years.

First of all, it is not easy going to a Baptist church and everyone knowing your husband has had an affair and has left you. I still went; Alone. It was very hard and I am sure that the people who ignored me simply did not know what to say, and those that stood by me were priceless and the very reason I went. I still could not help but suddenly feel like I did not fit in, and I was somehow damaged goods. How do you go to a couples Sunday School class when you are no longer a couple? What do you do when someone at the church insist you must have caused your husband to cheat? I loved my church, and I love many of the people that just dropped me like a hot potato.

So, Michael came into my life and we really wanted to go to church together. A friend had invited us to visit her church and so we decided to give it a try. We must describe this church as a very, very, tiny, Baptist church. EVERYONE was related somehow. We really liked the pastor, and even though we felt like intruders to some family reunion we continued to go. Week after week the same people asked if this was our first visit..... (hello, we are talking maybe 55 people on a good day?? I am not forgettable by any means, I’m just saying...). I refused to give up and we even went to the pastor for our premarital counseling. To this day I believe that was the soul purpose of us being there, it was a great thing. I still continued going even after my "friend's" son started sending lude and suggestive text messages to my daughter on Sunday Morning and then tried to look innocent while taking up the offering; that should have been my sign. I will not go any further with this story because it still leaves a very bad taste in my mouth, but let's just say, I think there is a reason a church stays so tiny.....

Michael has tried to get me to visit churches here in Sugarville, but honestly I am afraid. I want to serve the Lord and learn, I do not want to be afraid that I have sat in someones seat, or I don't have the right clothes on, or I am a terrible person because I have been divorced. I am afraid of putting my heart out there again. Maybe I had the best of Church times already? I treasured my days growing up at Browns Mill Baptist, and have wonderful memories and friends from Jonesboro and New Hope, but I know I am not the only one who has been heartbroken and damaged by church. It can be one of the coldest places. The bible tells us to beware and not to judge but I have found that we become so judgmental sitting on that pew...

So, if you are up here in Sugarville, invite me to your church, prove me wrong. I have visited one and cold is putting it mildly. I am not limited to Baptist, I worship Jesus Christ, that is my only requirement. Can a re-married, crazy, short, sinner, find a place willing to take her in??

Friday, January 13, 2012

Depends, Gender or Style?

Am I the only fifty something that has noticed an increase in what it takes just to maintain these days?

My gorgeous, sexy, sweet GT guy gets better and better, the gray looks great on him, the tiny lines around his eyes make him look more like Tom Selleck. It takes him less than 20 minutes start to finish to get ready, and on lazy Saturdays when we lay around in our PJs for hours, he looks yummy with his tossed hair and day old stubble... I want to punch him.

Lately, my side of the bathroom looks more like a counter at a drug store. It takes a whole lot to get this gal so that she is not scary: Shampoo and conditioner for color treated hair, body wash for dry skin, face wash for aging skin, body lotion for aging skin, moisturizer for the face, age spot remover (so that my hairdresser does not scrub my face raw again thinking she got color on my skin!) puffy eye cream, fine line cream, special hand lotion, teeth whitening strips, flosses, sensitive toothpaste, hair color touch ups... then we have to add volume gel to the hair, and the make up. I have limited the make up over the past year to a little foundation, eye liner, mascara, a little blush and lip gloss; but still...at this point I am still not dressed. Getting dressed has even changed.

I have to have support everything... Control panties, uplifting bra, spanx - depending on the occasion. Then I have to stand in the mirror and pretend I look fabulous! I crack myself up thinking about the days of my youth when I barely wore underwear much less makeup! Such a scary thought these days. God has to be a man, a woman would have it reversed. I would long to see GT guy struggling at the side of the tub shaving his legs with a dull razor, or standing at the mirror plucking his eyebrows. The best would be to see my 6 ft. 2 inch hunk of a husband put himself into a pair of spanx. Seriously, I think all spanx should come with a warning: wear depends with them. I left the table at my husbands very fancy Christmas dinner to go to the ladies room, it took me a good 20 minutes to get the spanx, tights, slip, all back in place, before returning. Then I had to down my Cosmo in one gulp just to recover.

My Granny will be 90 years old this spring, she still drives, she still dresses to the nines every day and she wears lipstick 24/7. So, I guess I will keep it up for a few more years.

I like that look on GT face when I finally say, OK, I am ready!!

Wednesday, January 11, 2012

A love letter to my Granddaughter


You are only three weeks old, beautiful beyond words, with big beautiful eyes like your Mommy; nose, forehead and hair like your Daddy. You remind me of your Daddy when he was a baby; your serious looks and the way you love it when I walk with you on my shoulder.

I was blessed beyond words to be right there when you entered this world. Your Grammie, Mommy and I fell madly in love. You were so alert and when you heard your Mommy's voice, I will never forget how you turned your tiny head as if to say, "there you are!!"

I remember when your Grammie put you in my arms for the first time, I thought my heart would explode from joy and love. You are loved by many my little one. Your Mommy and Daddy are so very, very, brave. Your Daddy was far, far away when you were born, serving his country, your Mommy was amazing and strong and never once complained. Your Daddy was here just a few days after you were born, and boy did you steal his heart. He instantly became your Daddy in every since of the word, very protective, changing your diapers, dressing you and loving you.

I think that is one of the joys of being a Grandparent; you watch your children become the parent you prayed they would be. Your Daddy had fifteen days and then he had to leave to finish serving his country. I must tell you my precious one, this was the hardest day of all. I could tell the way a Mother can tell, that his heart was breaking, leaving you and your Mommy. Nothing is harder than watching your child hurt and knowing there is nothing you can do... but each day that passes brings him one day closer to being home. That will be a GREAT day!!! In the mean time, we all have to love you bunches and bunches, such a hard task......

I look forward to our life together; I will be your crazy little Nonnie, and you will be my tall, beautiful Princess. I have a feeling you will not be able to wear my shoes which is disappointing because I have some fabulous shoes, but there will be jewelery that you will want to borrow; your Poppie tends to spoil me with visits to Jared. Which leads me to tell you something that I have not even told your Daddy yet. I have arranged a marriage for you. He is exactly a year older, cute as a button and comes from the very best of families, his name is Aiden, so how cute will that be?? Aiden & Eden. I love it!!! I have great taste, so do not be afraid!!

I can't wait to tell you all the crazy stories about your Daddy, and I have some pretty good ones about your Mommy as well. The two of them should have their own reality show. They are funny people. Make me laugh every time I am around them.

I am so hoping that you will be a girly girl, love pink and bows and heels and lipstick, but if for some reason you only like mud and trucks and jeans, I will still be your biggest fan. I pray you follow your passion in all things, love with all you have and fight like your Daddy for the things you believe in.

Always remember that manners are an asset and a requirement from Nonnie. Love the Lord with all your heart and always remember to pray. Enjoy the love of animals, be kind to everyone. Laugh when you think it is funny, and laugh out loud!! Cry when it is heartbreaking and do not be ashamed of your tears because they are God's way of washing away the hurt. Know that you are going to fall down, but there will always be one of us to pick you up and I will always have designer bandages available. Love to read, it is a passion of your Daddy's; and your Aunt Rae is going to be a Librarian so we must keep her employed. Poppie already has an attic full of Golden books just for you.

Oh, I can't wait for our first cookie baking day!! We will have cute aprons and you can eat as much sprinkles and chocolate as your heart desires. Later, when your belly hurts, you can do one of Nonnie's favorite things, take a bubble bath!!!! I pray for you each and every day, so many precious, precious, moments ahead.... I am sure that there is much, much more I will want to share with you, I can't wait!! Maybe one day you will write a blog about all the crazy things your nutty Nonnie told you!!!!
I love you, forever.